Sitting down to write this post is probably the toughest thing I’ve had to do in a while. It’s not that it was scary to face or that I didn’t want to remember the past – I guess I just didn’t want to think about the good times. That’s the hardest thing to face really.
We were the best of friends for a good few years from the end of school, all the way through to university and beyond graduating. We loved spending time together and escaping our lives at home and school to dream, discover and talk. And boy, could we talk. We talked about everything – school, guys, growing up, battles we faced with the clash of cultures, the future. You were there for it all but it wasn’t long before we started to drift apart. You were growing up and began to live parts of your life without me and the time you gave me grew shorter. I’m to blame too. Maybe I didn’t call you enough or visit you enough but I was living too and there was only so much I could take of knowing how “perfect” your life was with my part in it growing smaller by the month.
Soon enough, we stopped talking at all. You had stopped asking me how I was a while ago. You had bigger fish to fry and I was just another person you could lean on when you needed to but I didn’t want to be that kind of friend. Friends are supposed to support you through tough times, build you up when you’re broken and stay by your side when the world is against you. You stopped doing those things before I ever did. You stop fulfilling your role in my life. You began to turn against me and then tried to blame me for my defensive behaviour towards you. I may have willfully let you go but you checked out a long time ago. You just didn’t realize it – and, unfortunately, neither did I.
Looking back on it after a year, I can’t pinpoint a particular day when I had had enough with this so-called friendship. I guess it was an accumulation of events. The fact that I was also starting to realize my self-worth around the same time was enough reason to know I deserved so much more than a friend who was only half there. When I first lost contact with you, I didn’t feel “lost” – in fact, I felt like I was finally finding myself. The me without you by my side and I actually liked the person I was. I had never really gotten to know her before I met you. Maybe our friendship was just one of those things that happen that you can learn and grow from – and then move on. Regardless, I’ve made a lot of friends in your place and they are better friends than you ever were. This is why I haven’t contacted you since and why I never will. I deserve so much more.
But it wasn’t all bad. I want to thank you for your kindness and for giving me the courage to face things even though I was terrified. You taught me the meaning of real friendship and when it really isn’t worth fighting for. You taught me how to love myself and to recognize when someone treats me wrong. You taught me never to compromise my wellbeing to fulfil someone else’s needs. I wish you the best and I hope the sacrifice of our friendship was worth it but most of all I hope you’re happy.